At what point do I decide that it’s safe enough to get rid of most of my men’s clothing? I still have half a closet that I rarely touch but I have a hard time thinking about getting rid of it because what if I end up in a job again where I can’t be myself? Or need to hide that side of me for an event or trip to be safe? Even today I find myself dressing about as masculine as I can tolerate (basically brightly colored slacks and a nice sweater that ends up coming across really gay) because I am escorting around faculty candidates.
I have so much impostor syndrome that gets muddled up in these choices. I wish I could be confident in saying this is who I am and will always be and naysayers be damned. But I know that gender is a journey and isn’t always linear. And burning that bridge to the past with its mixed blessing/curse of invisibility is scary.